Delivery Story

k so i just realized i had not really posted about my delivery. truth is it still kind makes me cringe when i think back on it... it was definately NOT at all what i had imagined it would be. now i didnt ever begin to think i knew how it would go. not at all. but i did hear many different stories and just kinda assumed mine would be kinda similar to those. ha. boy was i wrong. my mother in law had taught me two rules before going in. number one: do not say you will not have an epidural and number two: do not say you will NOT have a C-section. she is a maternity nurse and has been doing that for over twenty years so um ya i listened very closely to her wise words and thank the good Lord i did. otherwise i think i would have freaked out a little more than i actually did. 

so friday night dennis and i stayed up till midnight and i had just had three days off and then worked that day so it was nice to just hang out at home... as we were going to bed i told him that i needed to start going to bed at a decent time cuz i dont know when i will have this baby and i need all the rest i can get... lol how ironic i know... so once we were asleep i woke up off and on with cramps... i kept it in the back of my mind that this was labor just simply because if i did too much during the day i would feel them and then they would go away when i would rest. the only reason i started getting concerned was because at my friday app. my doctor told me that if they come when i am over doing it but dont go away once i rested then i needed to time them... well since i was feeling them in my sleep that kept me from blowing them off completely. well the night went and i got some sleep and then around 6:30 am saturday morning they were hurting and i could not go back to sleep. every time i would start to drift off they would come. and so i decided to time them around 7 am... and they were five minutes apart... it made me nervous because the doctor had told me that if they were coming every five minutes for an hour to go to the hospital... so at 7:30 i woke dennis up and told him i was scared... i didnt know what to do... he jumped up immediately awake and told me to call my mom or his mom... and i didnt want to wake them so early on a saturday and i didnt want any false alarms cuz i knew they would come as soon as they could... and it's not a quick drive for them... so finally i called and woke my mom up. she told me to get up and get a shower and then time them... so i did and while i was in the shower dennis called his mom and told her how i was feeling. by then they were hurting even more... and i could still talk during them but it wasnt easy. she said it sounded like real labor and to go to the hospital once we had everything packed... so i went and blow dryed my hair and timed them and they were two minutes apart after moving around. that kinda freaked me out... once we had everything packed and our dog taken care of we headed to the hospital about 9 am. not once did the pain let up and was constant from every 2 minutes to every 4 minutes by then... so we get to the hospital and the people there took me seriously and wheeled me to a room to change and get checked. so i told dennis to please tell my mom to come cuz i thought this was the real deal and i would be crushed if no one came cuz our baby came too fast. so anyways. at this point i am thinking i am at least a 3 because of the pain. no i was a one. and boy was i crushed.

by late morning early afternoon both our mom's had made it and my sister and his two sisters. it was strange having them see me in a hospital bed and in so much pain but they were so sweet to come and be with us. they were all such a great support system for me... i appreciated it so much! 

so long story short they sent me home that day around 6 pm cuz even though the pain was way worse than when i first got there, i was not progressing at all. and my water had not broken AND it was the weekend and doctors do not do a thing to help you progress. so they gave me an Ambien and sent me home. it took forever to get to the car. i was in so much pain and they were coming so fast... i was so mad and asked the nurse over and over "how am i supposed to go home feeling like this???" she felt bad. i could see it in her eyes but it was the doctors orders... i was heartbroken. so we went home and i ate some pizza and took a bath and took the ambien. well i still felt the pain when i went to bed at 8 and even though the medicine made me incoherent to some extent i woke up every time i had a contraction. then my water broke and we left at 9 pm to go back to the hospital... or 10 pm. i cant remember LOL. 

once i got to the hospital she checked me and said i was a two... oh my gosh. i thought i was dying and i was only a freakin two???? oh my word. i was not happy by then and yet i was still kinda out of it cuz of that stupid ambien...  i couldnt have an epidural until i was a four, so they gave me some pain medication to help and by then i was so doped up (feeling the pain still ) and was in and out of it... then i was a five sometime that night (maybe 2ish?) and so they gave me the epidural and boy that hurt... LOL i have to be honest!!! well sometime after that i started feeling contractions on my left side. i told them that i still hurt and they were in shock. so then we checked my legs and the right one was numb and the left one was not... oh man... soooooo they came in and asked if i wanted to re-do my epidural. mind you i am still out of it so i didnt know what to do... i asked them what they would do. LOL cuz i couldnt think straight. sooo we decided it would be best to re-do it... well i didnt feel a thing and once they re-did it i was numb and could rest pain free... ahhhh. relief FINALLY. ha so then i am thinking no more pain. it's all over. hahahaha... that was funny. must have been the medicine messing with my brain... ok so at 10 am the doctor came in and said that i was a 6 almost a 7 and she said i had to progress at least one cm an hour or else i would need a c-section. so then i prayed hard for me to progress. by noon i was a 9.5 and was feeling pressure to push... she decided she could help me get to a 10 and that i was ready... so while they were getting ready for me to deliver i felt as if i was going to push a car out of me... ha and they are all telling me not to push!!! oh gosh that was awful. so i layed there breathing and praying that i can get this baby out quickly...finally they were ready for me to start pushing. my mom, mother in law and sister were there with dennis and i. i didnt even care who was there. i just wanted that kid out! as it was it was a whole day later than when i thought i was going to have him. i was more than ready!!! the doctor and nurse taught me how to breathe and everyone reminded me of what to do as i had to do it. i pushed for an hour and the doctor said it  was off the charts. i screamed a couple of times as i let the air out of my lungs and would hear "dont waste your energy just breathe" and at one time i had a panic attack and couldnt breathe at all...i thought i was going to die... i know this sounds dramatic but i was just pushing so hard and when it came time to let my breathe out and breathe again i couldnt. this only happened once and everyone cheered me on and told me to breathe and i finally caught my breathe and stopped panicking. i am a very clausterphobic person so that just made it worse for me. after 20 minutes i demanded to know what was going on and asked if she could see my baby and she said no... see i didnt realize this (medicine again) but he had not dropped completely... so i was going to have to push hard and for much longer if he was going to come out... so when she said no she didnt see him i felt the need to push even harder... i wanted that baby out. at 40 minutes she said i could keep pushing as long as the baby was ok... he was fine up until that point so i wanted to keep pushing. at one hour as i was pushing for the last time i opened my eyes and just saw my doctor look so defeated and sad and i let my air out and Dennis stopped counting for me... his heart rate had dropped and she told me it was no longer my decision and that i was going to have to have a C-section. i was crushed. i mean totally and completely crushed. you dont go in thinking after all this work that it will come down to being cut open. i started crying and panicking. i had been cut open before and it was a very rough recovery and so i was very upset and didnt want it to happen again. i know this sounds selfish in a way but i didnt ever hear her say there was anything wrong with the baby. they told me after i had him what she had said about it not being my decision. so i wasnt thinking he was in danger at all. in fact he was still kicking me the whole time i was pushing so i never ever once thought he was in danger. i just didnt want to have surgery... so anyways. my doctor and nurse calmed me down and told me they would do their best to make it as painless as possible for me... by then apparently there were soooo many family and friends out in the waiting room and i didnt even know it! and my dad and brothers had made it too! once Michelle let them know that i was going to have a C-section my dad came in and grabbed my hand and my doctor grabbed my other hand and he prayed for me before they pushed me off to have my baby. 

once we were in the operating room i had calmed down for the most part but was still scared. the last surgery i had i was out before the doors opened to the operating room. so being awake was a little freaky for me. i do not do well with blood and guts. LOL so thankfully they put a sheet up and i saw nothing! dennis stood by me the whole time and once he was born they took Dennis over to him to get pictures... then as they were sewing me up they brought Elijah to me and i got to kiss his sweet face and right there that made things all better for me... i was in heaven and didnt care about the pain at all. ( i did feel pain while they were doing the surgery and they had to give me some more medicine LOL apparently i have "hotspots"). anyways. so when i was put back together they gave me my baby and took me to the recovery room and then took elijah away from us. since he was born with a fever and possible pneumothorax we did not see him for three hours after he was born... i stayed in recovery for a while and tried to sleep thru the pain but it was hard... once i went back to my room they gave me more medicine and then brought me my baby... even though the pain was hard to deal with the first night as a new mom i still didnt think twice about it as long as i was holding my precious Elijah Dean... 

looking back i know that i will wait quite a while before i do have another baby but he was worth it for sure...it was hard not being able to deliver him the natural way but thankfully because of the wisdom and knowledge that God gives doctors, i was able to have my baby safely and the way i was supposed to have him. it made me sad to think of women back in the day that were in my same situation that might have died or lost their child thru something like this just because medicine had not come this far yet... i am so thankful for the doctor that God gave me to deliver my baby. She did a great job and i know she did it with Jesus right by her side. :)